The British government would like to introduce US-style health warnings on alcohol. "It would have to be structured properly and before doing that we need to be absolutely sure of the research," Professor Sir Liam Donaldson [the Chief Medical Officer] said at a recent press conference following the publication of his annual report.
To help Professor Donaldson in his endeavours the Reveller has carried out research of his own, and discovered that a great deal of secret preparation has already been made. Here are the front runners:
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may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. |
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may make you think that people are laughing with you. |
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may be a major factor in dancing like a retard. |
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may make you think you are whispering when you are not. |
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may cause you to tell your friends over and over that you love them. |
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may cause you to think that you can sing. |
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may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. |
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may cause pregnancy. |
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may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. |
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may make you think you can converse logically with members of the opposite sex without spitting. |
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may make you think you are whispering when you are not. |
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may Mack yo tink you kan tpipe reel gode |
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may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your head in. |
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may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. |
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may cause you to thay shings like thish. |
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may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really hideous. |
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may lead you to believe you are invisible. |
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is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead. |
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may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers. |
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may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. |
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may make you think you are bigger and tougher than the hulk standing next to you at the bar. |